Light a candle directly in front of your automatic Glade spray air freshener that way every 9 minutes a fireball shoots across your living room table, intimidating your house guests, asserting your dominance in your domain
Fun fact my grandpa was in the Air Force but only because he cheated his way in
So he did a great job with everything all along the way, until he hit got to his marksmanship test.
Now, my grandpa is a great shot. The catch is, he’s left-handed. And the people administering the test did not like that and insisted he shoot righty.
Naturally, he sucked at it. But he had a few tricks up his sleeve. And by tricks, I do mean a pencil.
When my grandpa went up to retrieve his target, the man pulled out a pencil, stabbed a bunch of holes in the center, and called it a day.
The grift worked, he passed with flying colors, and he began a 30+ year career as an Air Force engineer, helping design the B-2 Bomber, and being a general badass.
Also, he’s led me to believe he knows information about aliens, and the man would never joke about something like that.
People are asking about the alien thing. All I know is that my grandpa had access to confidential information and absolutely no sense of humor. He has learned classified secrets and he would never pull a prank. When my mom and her sisters were kids, they once joked about if aliens are real, and he stopped them in their tracks to sternly tell them that they never, ever, ever are to joke about that again.
I’ve met people who will actually argue against this but if your choice is between going hungry and getting fast food or snack food….PLEASE JUST FEED YOURSELF. It is 100% lying, evil, dangerous bullshit that some foods are “so bad for you it’s better to eat nothing.” It is never ever better to go hungry. Malnutrition is more dangerous, more immediately, and more long-term than any consequences of eating a damn twinkie or a cheeseburger.
can u believe some people can see a cat & not immediately be filled with absolute unconditional love for that animal. they dont even get the urge to kiss them right on their little baby cat head. thats incomprehensible to me
centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. discuss.
Oh. This. I don’t like this.
#not enough distinct body parts#insects have three#arachnids on the other hand have two#therefore i propose that centaurs are actually spiders hiding a pair of legs somewhere
this is worse
jade how did you manage to make this worse
But centaurs DO have 3 body parts. Insects have head, thorax, and abdomen. Centaurs have a head, a human “thorax”, and a horse “abdomen”.
Instead I propose that insects are arthropod centaurs.
“BEHOLD A CENTAUR”
- Diogenes throwing a fucking ant on the ground
this is why we stopped inviting diogenes to these things
